Living, Loving & Learning from the Deep Places of the Heart
by Virginia Knowles
as I realized how much God values the heart and not just the externals.
It's Your Heart!
The Wholehearted Marriage
It's Your Heart!
God calls to the deep places of our hearts. He doesn’t just want the surface thoughts, words and actions, but abundant life in the inner being! Are you just living in the daily stuff, or are you living wholeheartedly in the love God lavishes on us?
“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.” Psalm 42:7-8
“These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.” Isaiah 29:13a
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23
The Lord himself is to be number one, the top priority, the center of our lives – not family, not home schooling, not homemaking, not ministry, not our rules or standards, not anything! These things, as good as they are, can become idols in our hearts if we cling to them too tightly and react in ungodly ways when they are threatened.
“Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:37-39
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:4-5
If you want your children to know God, remember that you can’t give away what you don’t have. We teach from the overflow of our own spiritual growth. A depleted mommy has no joy or patience in teaching.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
The way to true growth is yielded reliance on the Holy Spirit. Following rules from a spirit of legalism makes us self-righteous, not godly. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Sometimes he brings us to the end of ourselves so the only way we can go onward is in his grace and strength.
“…be filled with the Spirit.” Ephesians 5:18
“Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” Galatians 2:3
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit.” Galatians 5:22-25
“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might no rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” 2 Corinthians 1:8b-9
We are in a battle, and need to remember to put our whole armor on for spiritual warfare. Our enemy loves to throw darts of discouragement, defeat, apathy, and accusation. We must keep a clear conscience and be vigilant to mortify (put to death) even the little sprouts of sin which spring up in our lives. (See Romans 6-8.)
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” Ephesians 6:10-11
“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
When we face trials and temptations, we need to dig deep into God’s grace for us. Hard times are actually gifts to enrich our spiritual lives, make us thirsty for more wisdom, and prepare us for greater opportunities to serve and comfort others in the future.
“Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its perfect work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:2-5
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Practicalities for Spiritual Growth:
♥ Prayer – both at planned times and spontaneously throughout the day – include your own prayers, prayers from the Bible, and prayers from believers throughout the ages (such as the Puritan prayers in The Valley of Vision edited by Arthur Bennett)
♥ Scripture study – book by book, topical, study guides
♥ Worship – from the heart; listen to music and sing along, keep a hymnal nearby
♥ Journaling – prayers, personal thoughts, Bible verses, and passages from good books
♥ Good books that feed the spirit – such as Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God by Noël Piper.
♥ The local church – Sunday worship, small group Bible studies, service opportunities
♥ Rest and renew – sleep is God’s gift!
The Wholehearted Marriage
“Come live with me, and be my love, and we will some new pleasures prove, 0f golden sands, and crystal brooks, with silken lines and silver hooks.” John Donne (1572-1631)
“Grow old with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life for which the first was made.” Robert Browning (1812-1889)
One of the best gifts you can give your children is to love your husband from the heart. Again, this is not just surface stuff. How are you doing in spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical intimacy in your marriage? A fulfilling marriage takes work! The spark of romance will only ignite if you first lay the kindling of thoughtful service and pour on the fuel of tender affection. Be creative in meeting the needs of your husband.
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. . . . My lover spoke and said to me, ‘Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me.’” Song of Songs 2:3-6
Can your husband trust your heart toward him? Is your inner virtue something that he can cherish and protect? Do you respect his leadership?
“A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Proverbs 31:10-12
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:1-4
Bitterness and unforgiveness quench our affection for our husbands. You married a sinner and so did he! No marriage is perfect. Don’t focus on the negatives or be discontent with your inability to change him. Instead, look for and praise the worthy things in your husband’s life, even if they are small. Also, don’t expect your husband to fulfill all your needs that only the Lord can meet.
“Better to live on a corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:9
“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to defile many.” Hebrews 12:15
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
Are you still an interesting and joy-filled person? Don’t let boredom take over! Keep your brain buzzing and your heart happy.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. . . . Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’” Proverbs 31:25-26, 28
“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.” Song of Songs 4:9-11a
Practicalities for Your Marriage:
♥ Respect and loyalty – speak well to him and about him
♥ Physical affection – kisses in the kitchen, and much more
♥ Meals – the way to a man’s heart is still through his stomach!
♥ Daily “stuff” – clean underwear, tidy house, money management
♥ Your appearance – hair, clothes, fitness
♥ Little and big surprises – notes, gifts, favors, getaways
♥ Read Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas and Love That Lasts by Gary and Betsy Ricucci.
“If you are in an exceptionally trying situation with your husband, I encourage you to pour out your heart to the Lord of love. He knows, He sees, and He hears; and though your tears may be lost on your husband, they are not lost on your heavenly Father. He is the compassionate Lord who urges us to draw near to Him so “that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews
Nurturing Your Child’s Heart
Create a warm and loving home atmosphere with reasonable amounts of both routine and adventure. Read For the Family’s Sake: The Value of Home in Everyone’s Life by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. Make sure they know that you love them unconditionally. Spend time really connecting with them at the heart level.
You and your husband have Biblical authority given by God, to be used in obedience to him. Your house should not be run by self-willed children, but by self-controlled parents. Be united in front of your children, and don’t ever let them play you against each other.
Deal with the heart issues, not just behavior and appearances. Don’t get sucked into manipulation. Get to the root of problems. Read Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp, and The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo.
Know the condition of your child’s heart and lead accordingly. Some children follow along with Christianity in the home without really grabbing onto it as their own. Expect questions, but if they don’t ask them, you ask them! Read Growing Up Christian by Karl Graustein.
Keep the Gospel front and center. You can’t make your children good enough to deserve salvation. It is only by his mercy and grace.
Look for “evidences of grace” in your child’s life, and bring these to their attention as an encouragement.
Teach Biblical peacemaking to prevent and solve conflicts. Don’t leave them to fight it out by themselves. Read The Young Peacemaker by Corlette Sande and Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by the Mally family.
Pray for your children! This generation needs our prayers like never before! What do they face in the future in this culture? Engage in spiritual warfare! In tense times, remember that your child is not the enemy, but the priceless treasure to be protected.
Practicalities for Nurturing Your Child:
♥ Affection! Lots of hugs, kisses, pats on the head
♥ Kind words in a sweet voice!
♥ Listen to them! Draw them out!
♥ Celebrate! Birthdays, holidays, achievements, just because…
♥ Favors and favorites to make them feel special
♥ Find ways to serve the church and the community together
♥ (Oh, yes, discipline, too.)
“O my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter things hidden from of old – things we have heard and known, things our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in
Academic Education for a Deeper Heart
Go for the heart even in academics. Carefully pick resources which nurture your children spiritually and emotionally. Learn along with your child so you can talk about it. Talk out why things happened as they did, what motivations or attitudes were displayed, what Biblical themes surface even in secular literature, etc.
Character is more important than academics, but faithfulness in academics is a crucial way of building character. Resistance to your teaching and instruction can be a heart issue. (First rule out legitimate problems with curriculum, learning styles, mental maturity, etc.)
Don’t fill your child’s mind with “twaddle” – unworthy books and entertainment. Make your children think about, write about, and discuss issues and themes rather than just filling out worksheets. Use real, well-written “whole book” literature whenever possible. Read The Charlotte Mason Companion by Karen Andreola.
“Children well educated, who employ their minds on serious subjects, have, for the most part, but an ordinary share of curiosity; what they know gives them a sovereign contempt for many things they wish not to know. They see the emptiness and futility of the many things which the idle and the ignorant pursue with so much eagerness and passion. Children ill instructed, and not accustomed to application, have wandering imaginations. For the want of solid nourishment to the mind, their curiosity turns towards objects which are vain and dangerous. Those who have wit often become conceited, and read books which nourish their vanity; they become passionately fond of romances, comedies, and novels, which silently instill into their unguarded breasts the poison of profane love. These imaginary adventures render their minds visionary, in accustoming them to the strained sentiments of vain romantic heroes. Children filled with thoughts of their romantic heroes, become astonished when they look around in real life, and cannot discover a single person throughout the world bearing resemblance with their ideal hero. They would wish to live like those princes and princesses who are always charming, always adored, always above every care. What a disgust for them to descend from a hero and heroine, to the low detail and drudgery of taking care of a family. Children should be influenced by books that vividly portray life in all its trials and victories. Divine providence should echo throughout its pages. Characters who suffer wrongfully in a righteous manner, and display humble dispositions, will lay a secure foundation for the time when childhood may be stolen away; perhaps through the death of a loved one, sickness, or calamity. Children need informed instruction, and models of heroes and heroines of righteousness to fill their reserves for such a time. In literature as well as in history, God who doeth all things well, must be seen through the filter of His divine love and tender care for His children and as an avenger of all who harden their neck.” Francis Fenelon, 1685, in Education of a Child: The Wisdom of Fenelon, edited by Mark Hamby, published by Lamplighter.
Practicalities for School subjects:
♥ Literature – uplifting themes, high quality writing style, heart level comprehension
♥ Writing – communicating His Story for His Glory
♥ Science – discovering and stewarding God’s glorious creation
♥ History – the story of God’s providence – where does your story fit it in?
♥ Geography – cross-cultural missions
♥ Math and logic – orderliness is an aspect of God’s character, too
♥ Art and music – redemptive beauty reflecting the creativity bestowed by the Creator